does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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