oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
