I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i need some magic done to my vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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