you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
