guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
