This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
