he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
