Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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