I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
