matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
