I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
