When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Your cock deserves a montage
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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