sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
