We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
