all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
