Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
