I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
