it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And then he peed in my hair
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