I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
