That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
