problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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