he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ruined the universe
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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