forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize