Having a random hookup so left but love u
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
