i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
