Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
