i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
