I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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