the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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