my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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