with your own penis?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
