I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
