You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
