some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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