she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize