and i looked up. we had an audience...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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