just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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