I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
should my penis look like a turkey
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
