Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
