Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize