I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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