whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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