dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
