I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
