I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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