yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
