I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
