dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
