Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
