I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
