dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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