I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this beer tastes like vomit already
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize