I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
