The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
