Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize