So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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