so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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