you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
