i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
