Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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