I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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