You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Me too!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
