I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
