I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
