i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The best revenge is premature balding
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
