Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
