I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
