Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
