It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
