everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
