The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
