Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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