As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
