did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
