I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
