FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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