If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize