tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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