You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
