I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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