maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
