I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
