I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am spending my child support on dildos
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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