Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
