If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
