Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
