Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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