I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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