My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
