Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
