I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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