my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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