we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
