I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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