Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
