Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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