great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize