That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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