did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize