In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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