I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
