woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
