alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am naked and annoyed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
