What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
